Honestly, I am very speechless right now. I just spent some much needed alone time with the Lord. I've just had a very rough day. I dealt with hurt, and guilt because I unintentionally hurt someone I still deeply care about even though they are no longer in my life. Well, I made them feel "uncomfortable." Who I am as a person truly does not want to hurt those I love at all. Sometimes I feel that may have been a reason I put the relationships I had on this pedestal. I would never mean to but because of my deep fear for hurting others I would put them first so much, then I would somehow end up pushing them away. I seriously dont know. I am still trying to figure out why I do the things I do honestly. But today was especially hard because I let a lot of fear of the future, and who I am as a person get clouded. I was going to contact the person I hurt, but I ended up stopping myself. I noticed how badly I was affected by hurting this person that I felt like the apology probably wouldn't get accepted, and I feared that I would share my heart, then get rejected. Also I feel like I over think things way too much that I couldn't decide the right way to phrase it all. Which doesn't make much sense considering this person isn't in my life anymore so why should I care? Maybe cause I just do. Its hard for me to stop caring, specially once I care so deeply. That's something I need to work on for sure. Sometimes I never know when to call it quits because I'm too stubborn, and my heart truly gets in the way. All I pray for right now is the Lord's steady hand to guide my steps, and reveal to me many things I need to see. I don't know ANYTHING that's going on in my life right now. Everything is a blur. But I am resting in the assurance that the Lord has greater things, and I will soon be a part of all those things. I am just in need of preparation. I am going to start living for the one who CAME not for the ones who will pass away. I am going to trust the one who died for US. I am only going to worship the creator of all things, and not his creation. You see that? A work in progress. At least it is something. I never said I was perfect did I? NOPE. My goal is to live each day, and whoever God brings into or out of my life I am going to be blessed either way. Whether he brings back people in my life, or never does. I will be forever praising him in ALL things.
Be Blessed,
AnnaCaroline
Proverbs 16:9
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.-- Held-- Natalie Grant
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